


The Jackasses who saved the Galaxy (One-Shot series)

by Zoe02



Series: The Guardians of the Galaxy stories [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BAMF Peter Quill, Baby Groot, Dialogue-Only, Ego is hinted at, Fluff and Humor, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 spoilers, Humor, Implied Relationships, Mild Language, Minor Gamora/Peter Quill, One Shot Collection, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Post-Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Protective Gamora (Marvel), Sarcasm, Silly Peter Quill, Tags May Change, and mostly quill/gamora, but they're all minor, protective rocket, reference to the GotG 2017 movie, the bloody bastard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-10-20 04:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe02/pseuds/Zoe02
Summary: Quill:Alright, has anyone seen my pants?!Rocket:*Laughs* Youlostyour pants!





	1. Chapter 1

**Quill:** Alright, has anyone seen my pants?!

 **Rocket:** *Laughs* You _lost_ your pants!

 **Groot:** _I Am Groot!_

 **Rocket:** Shhh! He doesn’t need to know-

 **Quil:** What the hell Rocket? You used my pants to make-

 **Groot:** I am _Groooot!_

 **Rocket:** *laughs nervously*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Gamora:** Why is Rocket watching Groot’s mouth out?

**Gamora:** What is going on here?

 **Yondu:** Rocket’s washin’ Groot’s mouth out, what’d ya think he’s doin’?

 **Gamora:** Why is Rocket watching Groot’s mouth out?

 **Yondu:** He said ’Welcome to the frickin’ Guardians of the Galaxy’-

 **Rocket:** *yelling* But he didn’t use frickin’!

 **Gamora:** *sighs* Rocket, you’re a bad example for young ones.

 **Rocket:** Hey! I wasn’t the one who said f-

 **Yondu:** I’m gonna go see what Quill’s doing *Yondu grumbled, walking away*.

*Rocket and Gamora arguing in the distance while Groot sits looking innocent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **@grootiez asked for ’Groot not cleaning his room and leaving legos around the floor’, and I thought ‘Do they even have legos in space?’ Which, ta-da, this happened.**
> 
>  
> 
> All posts are originally posted on Tumblr, which means all these posts aren't new. There will be brand new ones, just not yet.

**@grootiez asked for ’Groot not cleaning his room and leaving legos around the floor’, and I thought ‘Do they even have legos in space?’ Which, ta-da, this happened.**

**Rocket:** Groot, what did I tell you about cleaning your room?!

 **Groot:** *quietly* I am Groot…

 **Rocket:** Uh-huh, and what’d ya do?

 **Groot:** I am Groot…

 **Rocket:** Uh-huh, see, I told you to clean your room and you didn’t! And what the hell are those little _block_ things on your floor?

 **Groot:** *excitedly* I am Groot!

 **Rocket:** Legos?

 **Quill:** Oh yeah, when the Avengers came to visit they brought some earth toys. Including ‘Legos’.

 **Rocket:** I’m gonna kill Stark… Groot, go clean up your frickin’ room before I have to-

 **Quill:** _Ground?_

 **Rocket:** before I have to ground you! No missions for _two weeks_ if you don’t.

**Groot: *eyes widen before running to his bedroom***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Groot:** I am Groot!

 **Rocket:** *glares* No.

 **Groot:** *happily waving hands around* I am Groot!!

 **Rocket:** I am not reading you a damn _bedtime story_!

 **Groot:** *pouts* 

**Rocket:** No! I will not- damnit, fine! I’ll read you a damn bedtime story, you happy now?

 **Groot:** *nods little head happily*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	5. Groot's 150 word essay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only Rogers and Stark knew what Groot was saying...
> 
> _**Tony Stark:** Exactly; he wrote that fifty times. I’m just gonna give him an F. _

**Tony Stark:** So, I gave Groot a piece of paper and told him to write a 150-word essay on why Earth is the most amazing planet. He kept writing-

 **Groot:** I am Groot!

 **Tony Stark:** Exactly; he wrote that _fifty times_. I’m just gonna give him an F.

 **Rocket:** *facepalms*

 **Steve Rogers:** You should teach him more words, too. Might come in handy.

 **Groot:** *outraged* I am Grooot!

 **Rocket:** *Glares at Groot* What did you say?

 **Groot:** *nervously* I am Groot?

 **Stark to Rogers:** I’m not understanding any of this, are you?

 **Rogers:** No clue.

 **Groot:** \--am Groot!

 **Rocket:** No, you should be saying sorry to him, not me. *pauses* When the hell did I become a parent?

 **Rogers:** Language, there’s children around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, so finding these on my tumblr is a pain in the ass. Who knew? Anyways, this is a one-shot series of dialogue-only, there is non-dialogue stories, but those getting posted separately. 
> 
> Remember to find me on Tumblr under Zoe-02, though you'll see these and some Young Justice chat posts.


	6. Tape, anyone?

**Rocket:** Groot’s a kid, damnit! When you tell him one thing, he’s gonna do the other. Like with that bomb, I told him _not_ to press the button, but nooo, he ran and pressed the frickin’ button!

 **Quill:** Yes-

 **Rocket:** _AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY TAPE!_

 **Quill:** Who the hell carries around tape? And if anyone was supposed to have tape, it would’ve been _you_!

 **Rocket:** Why would I carry around tape? Only an idiot would!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandpa Quill and Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did we ever get a name for him? Because, c'mon, everybody has a name!

Grandpa Quill: Peter?

Peter: Gra-

Teenage Groot: I am Grooooottt!

Peter: Shit, Groot, don't put that in your mouth! 

Groot: I am.. Groot?

Grandpa Quill: Is... Is that a tree?!?

Peter: No?

Grandpa Quill: That's a blue person, and two green ones...

Yondu: _Yeah_ , and you're white.

Peter: Seriously? Grandpa, meet Yondu. This is Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket and Mantis. Hey, 'Mora, is Nebula coming?

Gamora: I do not know at the time, why?

Peter: Just wondering. Oh, guys, meet my grandfather! 

Rocket: He's not gonna try to kill us like your father, right, Quill?

Yondu: I told you his father was an asshole.

Peter: Yeah, well so are you.

Grandpa Quill: Father? Peter, what are these.. people talking about?

Peter: Oh, uh-

Rocket: We meet his father; tried to kill us all after he figured out Quill here wouldn't help him murder everyone in the universe and recreate it all. Hell, Quill almost died, Yondu did die.

Yondu: Don't remind me, raccoon.

Grandpa Quill: ...

 

**Two Hours later:**

 

Peter: -so that's how we saved the galaxy, well the first time anyway.

Grandpa Quill: That blue alien kidnapped you.

Peter: Yondu? Yeah, but he's pretty cool.

Grandpa Quill: ....

Peter: Seriously, glaring at Yondu?! Wait til I tell you 'bout the second time we saved the galaxy, you'd really get a kick out of that-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried writing an actual story for these guys, but I suck at stories. Even if now, I really, really wanna do a story on this. If anyone else is/has written a story with Grandpa Quill, please let me know!
> 
> This... got away from me. It's longer than it was intended to be, and Yondu and Rocket just jumped in, it was just supposed to be Grandpa Quill and Peter! Oh and for those of you who are curious, it was a cat that Groot tried to put in his mouth. I refuse to think Yondu will be dead forever, can't we like, pull a Coulson again.

**Author's Note:**

> **Tumblr name: Zoe-02**


End file.
